Chrissy Teigen went into heartbreaking details about the ‘utter and complete sadness’ of tragically losing her baby Jack, including the time the doctor told her it ‘was time to say goodbye’, in a new honest essay.
It’s been almost one month since Chrissy Teigen, 34, and her husband John Legend, 41, had to endure the unbearable pain every parent dreads – losing their child – and now the loving mother is opening up about the devastating time in her life and how she’s been coping. Chrissy went into details about the moments leading up to having to say goodbye to her third child, a baby boy she named Jack, as well as how the shock and heartache she felt left her in “a convulsion of tears”, in a new lengthy essay with Medium.
“I had no idea when I would be ready to write this. Part of me thought it would be early on, when I was still really feeling the pain of what happened,” she wrote in the very beginning of the essay. After going on to admit she was writing from “the downstairs couch” and didn’t know where to start, she revealed she thought it felt “right” to “begin with a thank you” to all those who reached out to her during this difficult time.
“After we first lost Jack, I found myself incredibly worried that I wasn’t able to thank everyone for their extreme kindness,” she explained, “Many shared incredible personal experiences, some shared books and poems. I wanted to thank everyone, share our story with each individual person. But I knew I was in no state to.”
Chrissy then went on to describe the difficult experience she had, including the days when she rested at home and eventually in the hospital, before finding out she would have to induce her labor, even though Jack was only 20 weeks at the time, after being diagnosed with “partial placenta abruption.” “I would have an epidural and be induced to deliver our 20 week old, a boy that would have never survived in my belly (please excuse these simple terms),” she shared. “I was previously on bedrest for over a month, just trying to get the little dude to 28 weeks, a ‘safer’ zone for the fetus.”
“I had always had placenta problems,” she continued. “I had to deliver Miles [her second child] a month early because his stomach wasn’t getting enough food from my placenta. But this was my first abruption. We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop. In bed, I bled and bled, lightly but all day, changing my own diapers every couple of hours when the blood got uncomfortable to lay in.”
The loving mom further described the scary moment her health and the baby’s health declined due to the problems she was having with the bleeding. “The fluid around Jack had become very low — he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly,” she wrote.
“After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye,” she added. “He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either. We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn’t done anything at all.”
“Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning,” she further explained. “I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness. Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness.”
In addition to the health issues she faced and the ultimate heartbreak of losing Jack, Chrissy touched upon the controversial social media photos she posted of herself crying while still in the hospital, which can be seen below. Although some users criticized her for sharing such a “private moment”, she defended her choice to have the photos taken and shared. “I had asked my mom and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was,” she admitted.
“I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask,” she went on. “That he just had to do it. He hated it. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna [their eldest daughter] and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.”
Chrissy and John first announced the news of their third pregnancy on Aug. 13, when she shared a surprise video of her baby bump on social media. She first dropped a hint of the news earlier that day by appearing in John’s music video for his song “Wild”, in which she was cradling her bump. You can read Chrissy’s full essay at the Medium link above in the first paragraph.